2018 brought happiness, sadness, and everything in between. I’m so happy to have been able to meet many of you while on tour, to have had the fortune to visit places I’ve never been, to have had some of you write to tell me how much The Reckoning of Noah Shaw meant to you. I am proud of it, and prouder still to have your trust and your eagerness while I write the ending that Mara, Noah, and all of my characters deserve. I wish that my grandmother could be here to see it, and that Vincent could be on my lap still as I work. But wishing something doesn’t make it true, and wanting something does not make it real.
I know too well that you all know that, after reading your messages and DMs and emails about many of the things you wrestle with: depression, anxiety, mental illness, chronic pain, grief, loneliness. I thought about keeping it light in this last newsletter of 2018. I thought about keeping it light in the books, too. But that would dishonour the stories you’ve shared with me, and the authenticity you’ve found in my characters. It would dishonour your resilience as you break through the waves that feel like they might drown you, how you’ve gulped the air at the surface, insisting on survival, one breath at a time. It would insult your daily bravery as each of you keep going, on this last day of 2018, and in 2019 and beyond.
In gratitude for what you do for yourselves, I hope you enjoy this scene from Evolution. It’s the very first part of the beach scene, from Noah’s point of view. In its earliest iteration in 2009, the writing was abominable–like, embarrassingly so. But over time, with perspective, and most of all, with practice, I managed to write the right version from Mara’s perspective, and now, finally, the right one from Noah’s. This is part one. Part two I’ll share tomorrow, to ring in 2019 with the right tone.
“I want—” He stopped. Tore his fingers through his hair. “Never mind what I want.” His voice was quieter, now. “What do you want?”
“You.” Always you.
“You have me,” he said, his eyes meeting mine. “You inhabit me.” His face was stone but the words issued from his lips in a plea. “You want to know what I want? I want you to be the one wanting me first. Pushing me first. Kissing me first. Don’t be careful with me,” he said. “Because I won’t be careful with you.”
{December 21 } ⚜️ H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y N O A H S H A W ⚜️
“And my library. My books line shelves reaching at least twenty feet in the air, with an old-timey rolling ladder on rails to reach them. The books were all I could think of when the assistant e-mailed me to ask what I wanted the flat to look like”
Finally re-reading @michellehodkin ’s Mara Dyer trilogy so I can start in on The Unbecoming of Noah Shaw. Nothing more peaceful than reading in a quiet coffee shop while it rains outside. Her writing reminds me of why I want to be a YA lit author, and bit by bit, I’m getting closer to that goal ❤ Thanks for the inspo, girl.
Thank you for saying such a wonderful, lovely thing. I am rooting for you in every possible way.
The happiest of birthdays to a woman who is a treasure in my life. You’ve been one of my greatest friends for almost five years and it’s certainly been a ride. Lots of books were read. Lots of days of writing together were had. And lots of days just talking about life with you are cherished. I wouldn’t change a second of the journey, and I’m supremely blessed to be your friend. I hope you are overwhelmed with love and happiness and that you get spoiled by everyone dearest to you today. You will deserve every second of it. Happy Birthday, Ella!
♥
@sinfuldreamers
Writer of books. Maker of mischief. Author of the New York Times bestselling Mara Dyer series and its companion series The Shaw Confessions. The Reckoning of Noah Shaw (Book 5!) comes out on 11/13/18. Welcome to my den of sloth.
